Monday, March 25, 2019

You're Not Fat Until You Break Chairs



That flimsy, plastic, folding chair never had a chance.  It's poorly made and totally worthless.  If you're not going to build a quality product, why bother making it?  Money I guess...but now the damage is done.  Nothing drives home the message more clearly than publicly sitting on a chair and breaking it.  It's like having a herald sound the trumpet, "Hear ye, hear ye that person is fat!"

I've broken my share of chairs and benches.  The first occurrence happened in first grade.  I was bouncing up and down on the bench at lunch when a loud crack reverberated through the concrete room.  The wooden bench snapped.  The janitor wasn't happy.  I was embarrassed.  To daily remind me of my husky nature a duct taped bench waited for me at lunch and demonstrated I was not kid-sized.

As an adult I've wised up.  I do not attempt rest on flimsy plastic chairs.  Still I face chair failure at unexpected moments.

This weekend I was indoors, but I wasn't safe.  The antique chair is equally risky.  I gingerly sat upon the dusty old chair.  It's holding...I can breathe.  Within minutes a felts something hit my toe, it was a loose bolt fallen out.  The strain of holding me wiggled loose a bolt.  Of course this happened when I was stuffing my face with chicken nuggets, reinforcing the problem - you're too fat!  Don't sit on me!

In summary: I have broken many chairs.  When this occurs I feel fat.  Could the world make better chairs?  Yes.  Should I lose weight?  Yes.




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