You're Not Fat Until You Break Chairs

That flimsy, plastic, folding chair never had a chance.  It's poorly made and totally worthless.  If you're not going to build a quality product, why bother making it?  Money I guess...but now the damage is done.  Nothing drives home the message more clearly than publicly sitting on a chair and breaking it.  It's like having a herald sound the trumpet, "Hear ye, hear ye that person is fat!"

I've broken my share of chairs and benches.  The first occurrence happened in first grade.  I was bouncing up and down on the bench at lunch when a loud crack reverberated through the concrete room.  The wooden bench snapped.  The janitor wasn't happy.  I was embarrassed.  To daily remind me of my husky nature a duct taped bench waited for me at lunch and demonstrated I was not kid-sized.

As an adult I've wised up.  I do not attempt rest on flimsy plastic chairs.  Still I face chair failure at unexpected moments.

This weekend I was indoors, but I wasn't safe.  The antique chair is equally risky.  I gingerly sat upon the dusty old chair.  It's holding...I can breathe.  Within minutes a felts something hit my toe, it was a loose bolt fallen out.  The strain of holding me wiggled loose a bolt.  Of course this happened when I was stuffing my face with chicken nuggets, reinforcing the problem - you're too fat!  Don't sit on me!

In summary: I have broken many chairs.  When this occurs I feel fat.  Could the world make better chairs?  Yes.  Should I lose weight?  Yes.

When You Weigh 300 Pounds Embrace Low-Impact Workouts

Recently my knees have been aching constantly.  Ballooning up to 308 pounds will wreak havoc on one's knees.

What's the solution?  Low-impact workouts.

There are a variety of options available to suit your fancy.

Elliptical Machine
The most common low-impact option available at gyms is the elliptical machine.  Usually there is a small fleet of these somewhere in the gym.  It's easy on the knees and you avoid pounding the pavement that running on the treadmill incurs.

Cycling
Closely related to the elliptical machine, cycling is a great way to get your heart pumping without shattering your knees.  Whether you hit the open road or cycle on a stationary bike the sweat will flow.

Swimming

I've tried swimming before.  It's not my personal favorite for a couple reasons:

It's not always readily available - gyms don't always offer a pool and when they do space is limited.  There are typically hardcore swimmers that love to hit the water at ridiculously early times like 4 a.m.  Just go in the afternoon you say...NO.  That's when all the rascals get let out of school and the pool area is infiltrated with 4th graders in swimming caps.  If a lane happens to open up you end up getting lapped mercilessly by children.  Sigh.

This point is also petty, but I don't like the feeling of being completely soaked and trying to dry off before getting dressed for work.  Clothing always sticks to your skin and you're never completely dry when you get dressed.  It's probably just me, but I dislike this.

If you can live with these two inconveniences swimming is exhausting and protects your knees.

Rowing

With the advent of Crossfit the rower has catapulted to fitness fame.  Very fit and very cool people are doing this - usually after doing burpees for five miles, preceded by wall ball, and power cleaning a small child.  At any rate, I find this to be a fun and dynamic change of pace from the more common elliptical or cycling day.

There you have it, four awesome, low-impact options to safeguard your knees.

308: The Scale Speaks Truth

All great journeys are motivated by a moment when you realize that change must occur or destruction will arrive.  For me that happened when I looked down, over my increasingly large belly, to see the digital numbers on my scale...308 pounds.  Yikes!

To put things in perspective I'm a large adult male (not a 12-year-old girl as the gummy bear background and Hunger Games parody title may lead you to believe.  I just like candy.  What can I say?  I'm overweight.).  At 6'3" and a former defensive tackle, my frame can carry a lot of healthy weight.  Currently the poundage is NOT healthy or lean.  During my playing days the most I weighed was 286 and that was a powerful 286.

Football is over and my weight has soared to a new pinnacle of chubbiness.  Enough is enough.

Starting this blog is an attempt to process and correct my weight problems.  I anticipate a lot of thoughts about emotional eating, fitness plans, and finding a balanced solution that controls my weight. 

I hope that my journey can help someone else in the same boat.